Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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