I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
