he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
