I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We need to get me chipped asap
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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