i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
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Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
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I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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