My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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