Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Randomize
