If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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