omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
