You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
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This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
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I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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