i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
