Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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