My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
