DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I need to align my fucking chakras
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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