It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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