All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
