felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
