home. puking in laundry basket.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
