I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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