I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
