I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Barsexuality is the new black.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
