Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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