Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
