Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
That reminds me...we need to get swords
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
