And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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