I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
