hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
