Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
