she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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