I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
