i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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