sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Only a mothe r could love this liver
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
