I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
