Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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