Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
