yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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