I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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