We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
