You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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