mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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