I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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