this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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