and she was petting her beer can
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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