woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
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You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
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Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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