oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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