I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
