I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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