so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
