JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this just has baby written all over it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
