Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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