btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
