After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
