My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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