We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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