Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
