At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
