Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
