the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
