we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
