whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
