Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
