Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i would punch a child for taco bell
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
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You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
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The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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