were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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