im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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