i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
