You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
