oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
