uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
