Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
