I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
