i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
