Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
