The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
