Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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