You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
