Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
