Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
