I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
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orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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