once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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