matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
there's paper in my vomit.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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