are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
