do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
