Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
